Sun comes up, sun goes down, the world keeps turning, upside down or right side up. Before this happens you fade to a place that removes you from others lives, opens a light that you follow to peace and joy that no one takes from you!

If I could only tell you how I hurt for your loss, comfort you while you grieve, and never let you forget the love you shared with him, my prayer would be answered tonight!

You are in my heart and You are going through the loss of 2 loved ones! One by their own choice and one to the next life in peace. One you respected, the one that raised you! The one you fathered, you saw the life they were supposed to live and tried to picture them in it, while watching them destroy a path that you tried to keep them on over and over! Your heart hurts and my heart hurts….. If only I could tell you!!

Those are things that begin at birth, become a reality in the middle, and are there with the last Breath!! Just like a breath, a soul hearted Love is Natural! And I’m not talking about that dream world Love, I’m talking True Soul Hearted Love! The one where you can’t wait to wake up next to them in the morning, have coffee or juice or breakfast (may have to slide in a little orange juice & champagne), kiss them, spoon with them (😍), make a plan for the future, have the lowest parts of life and be there by each other’s side, and Repeat… and it never gets old!!! When the last Breath comes, they lead the way! 😊🙏🙏🙏

As a parent there are things you just sense, like when your child is 10 years old playing outside but you can tell they are hiding something only to find that they have their dads pocket knife that they are not allowed to play with. When they are adults and you sense something is not right in their life it’s maybe their job, relationship, or finances. The sense is overwhelming, as you know whatever the case maybe that it’s much more complicated as they are an adult! Then the moment comes and their partners actions tells the tell!! They are no longer as attentive, considerate or tuned into the relationship with your child, eye contact with you as the parent is much less, new friends appear, the relationship is changing. We all know through the years that relationships change, sometimes for the better but in this case your gut is telling you hurt is in your child’s future and they appear totally unaware of what’s happening! So the big question is do you bring things to their attention in hopes they can work with their partner to save the relationship or remain silent?

More stated as a question seeing my therapist has recommended it as a way to deal with some difficult life struggles!

Simply put it’s another means of getting the inner thoughts out without a physical outward reaction which has been a struggle recently!! So my 30 day journey will begin!

As I set with my morning coffee the question in my mind, as every day for over a year has been, how do you have a daily routine when the unknown pending federal sentencing is sometime in the future. The fear, hurt, and feeling of failure sets in before the first cup of coffee is half gone. Yes the random thought of my mother saying is your glass half full or half empty passes through my mind like a lighting bolt! The thought of my grown children’s opinion of this once patriotic mother as a convicted felon squeezing my aching heart as they witnessed over the years my hard, honest, professional work lead to being criminalized! Criminalized was never a word I truly understood until it happened to me. Tata for now!!

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton